


G What

by ArkadyLady



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: And Campiness on Earth, Doctor Who AU, Gen, It's Campiness in Space, Non-Linear Narrative, Rather Cracky, Space Camp - But Not that Kind, apologies in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6620629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArkadyLady/pseuds/ArkadyLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nell Jones meets a strange man who only goes by "G," who also happens to be a type of alien known as a Time Lord.</p>
            </blockquote>





	G What

**Author's Note:**

> After some debate in my head, I decided to leave G and Nell as Americans since that's what they are in their original incarnations.

Nell Jones sat on the floor of the TARDIS, her eyes closed as she leaned against the wall to recharge for a bit. She had no doubt the grin on her face was highly noticeable. She also had no doubt G _didn’t_ notice. He was always too busy fiddling with the buttons and levers on the ship’s console.

Sitting on the floor to relax was far from her preferred method. However, she had learned to settle during her time with this man, no, Time Lord, as he called himself. The spaceship was filled with rooms yet lacked furniture save for the occasional bookcase. The décor was also lacking in quality, with a great deal of the interior color being grey. So very grey. Not even a nice grey.

\-------

Nell had commented on it after their first trip, when she had grown a bit more comfortable. “It doesn’t exactly _scream_ spaceship does it?”

“Of course it doesn’t ‘scream’ spaceship. I don’t want it to,” G quickly snapped back. “This isn’t an amusement park ride, and I’m not looking for people to start lining up to have a turn. I’m still not sure why I let you in.”

Nell just grinned. “It’s sort of like the Holy Grail in _The Last Crusade_ , isn’t it? Plain.”

“Is that a King Arthur reference?”

“Yes and no. More Indiana Jones.”

“A relative?” 

She chuckled. “No, a movie character. Indiana Jones is a badass archaeologist.” 

G scoffed. “Why would an archaeologist need to be badass? Everyone they steal from is dead.” 

Nell just shook her head and surveyed the plain interior once more. “You do realize that, if you don’t want to catch anyone’s attention, maybe you shouldn’t be a man with an American accent traveling in a British police box, right?”

G’s sigh was saturated with exasperation. Nell was beginning to wonder if this was his default state.   “Her Chameleon circuit malfunctions sometimes. She got a virus once in a room with some other TARDISes and took on the form of a nearby one. At least, I think that’s what happened. There’s also a slight chance she had a crush on the other one and was mirroring. I can’t be sure.”

“Wow. Okay. I have lots of questions.”

“Congratulations,” G replied, turning to fiddle with the console. “Some people live their lives having no questions at all. You’re rich.”

Nell ignored him. “So, ‘chameleon circuit?’ I’m guessing it’s named that because it can usually blend in with its surroundings?”

“Actually, it’s named after The Chameleon, its inventor.”

“So, it _doesn’t_ blend in with its surroundings.”

“No, it does that, too. But, that’s not why it’s named that. You should pronounce it with a capital letter.”

“Wait, how do you pro—nevermind.” Nell decided to move onto her next question, though she also very much wanted to know more about the Chameleon person. G currently seemed open to answering questions she threw at him, and she didn’t know how long it would last. He didn’t strike her as particularly chatty and forthcoming on a regular basis. She felt the need to seize this opportunity, though his answers always just led her to more questions. She was never one for a shortage of questions, though. She decided to ask two in a row to save time. 

“So, your…’TARDIS’ is a she and can have crushes? And was the guy’s name just ‘The Chameleon?’”

G stopped pressing and pulling things and stared straight ahead for a few moments. She was beginning to suspect he wasn’t really doing anything at the console, just trying to avoid actual conversation. “I feel like if I keep feeding you with answers, you’re never going to leave.”

Nell just smirked.

He then looked over at her. “Yes. She’s a she. She gets upset if I call her something different.” He turned to look at the console, “Isn’t that right?”

To Nell’s surprise, the machine then made a weird noise, different from the initial whirring she had heard. This one was more of a rather calm vibration.

Nell didn’t realize she had both her head tilted and mouth agape until G commented.

“Does your mouth just default to open in case you think of a question to ask?”

Her expression took a millisecond to change before she was shooting him a rather nasty look. This seemed to amuse him.

“So, the Chameleon guy? Was it a nickname? Did he not just have a letter for a name like you?”

“First off, it’s not a letter. It’s a name. To you, maybe it’s a letter. To me, it’s a name. Secondly, there was a whole group of them that liked to go by names like that. ‘The This,’ ‘The That.’ I never understood it.”

“What would yours be? ‘The Grey Man?’” Nell was proud of that one and showed it with a smirk. 

To her surprise, G looked over and grinned with a slight sign of pride. It was that grin that let Nell know she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

\-------

And she was right. She was on the floor recharging because they had just finished visiting another new planet – well, new to her. The planet was home to the aliens who had gotten stranded on Earth once and become the gods of Ancient Greece while waiting on a rescue crew. Nell, who had stayed cool and professional in front of celebrities visiting town before, found herself a total fangirl in front of Athena. “Oh, _you’re_ Athena. If I had known I’d meet you, I would’ve brought some olives!” This was followed by a nervous laugh from her and a nervous look from Athena. Nell then excused herself. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m needed…somewhere that is not this spot right now.” 

As Nell walked away, she could have sworn she heard a low comment, “Earthlings were always so clingy.” She now realized how her co-worker Eric Beale must feel sometimes. He was awkward but far from shy, which is what usually led to those awkward moments.

Nell stepped to the side and noticed the sign with the planet’s name had changed. Or so she thought. She could have sworn it had said “Asthenarchia” when they arrived, but it now read “Amblyaster.” She turned to the nearest individual and asked, “Excuse me. What’s this planet called?” 

“I’ll happily answer that in my bedroom or nearest substitute location.” Oh, these were the Greek Gods all right.

“How about you just tell me? That’s also an option.”

He didn’t seem interested in that plan and just walked away.   Luckily, another alien overheard the question and told Nell, “You’re on Callbront.” 

Nell, still confused, began to ask, “But then what’s--” She cut herself off when she realized the sign now read “Callbront.”

“Interesting place, isn’t it?” G had walked up behind. Not surprisingly, she hadn’t heard him. He was very sneaky.

“So you’ve noticed the name changing, too?”

“Yes. Minute I walked on. I mean, on the one hand, a planet can be called different names by different people --”

“But on the other hand, the name seems to be changing in everyone’s minds at the same time – and on signs!” 

G just stared at Nell for a few moments. She hated that stare. It was annoyance slightly diluted with indifference. A look he had no doubt perfected over the centuries he claimed to have lived.

“I interrupted again. I’m sorry.”

 G was neither one to acknowledge nor give apologies. He seemed to avoid discussions of any feelings, and he just continued with his thoughts.

“The change absolutely seems to have some kind of telepathic tie almost – as if the planet is _telling_ people its name, which is currently…”

“Gnoclave.”

“Gnoclave.”

G and Nell said the new name together, looking at each other. Grins crossed both their faces as they had the exact same epiphany at the exact same time. Neither of them had looked at the sign since the name change nor heard anyone say it. However the planet was communicating its name change, it was now communicating it to them. 

“Sounds like something worth looking into, especially with your sonic watch,” noted Nell.

“Oh, maybe even a bit more. This may even call for a bobby pin and Tootsie Pop.” G pulled the two items out of his jacket and held them before Nell.

“Oh, what do those two things do?”

“Well, this bobby pin? It fits in small places and is a little bendy. And this Tootsie Pop? It fits in my mouth and is delicious. Would you like one?” 

“Sure. Why not?” Nell took a second Tootsie Pop from G.

“Just hold onto that in case you think of any questions.”

“Wait, why—“ Nell then realized G was trying to keep her quiet. She was annoyed, but followed him anyway. Like she always did. Plus, orange was her favorite flavor. She found it underrated and overlooked.

After a great deal of running, ducking, and G’s poking random things with the bobby pin, they learned that the center of the planet was inhabited – and always had been – by a member of a giant alien race capable of great powers of persuasion. The alien, Eupres, had fled his planet refusing to participate in their conquering ways. Not wanting to be discovered, he would change his name every few minutes. No one really seemed to mind, or perhaps he had made them not mind. He really couldn’t be sure.

G pointed out to him that if his home planet ever discovered where he was, this whole planet would be in danger. Eupres had to promise to let everyone on it know if they needed to flee or prepare for battle if they chose to stay. Eupres promised. He asked G if he should let the inhabitants know what was really going on. Considering some of the things certain residents had gotten up to on planet Earth, G didn’t see a need to.

G and Nell made their way back to the TARDIS, still looking like a police box despite G’s insistence the Chameleon circuit would cycle back to functioning any day now. Before they stepped in, Nell turned around and did what was becoming a tradition for her when bidding farewell to a planet. It seemed weird to think that she could actually _have_ a tradition for leaving a planet, but she didn’t dwell on it too much. She would just look around and take in every possible detail, taking imaginary pictures in her head since G wouldn’t let her take real ones. 

The skylines were never short of extraordinary, especially when the amount of suns or satellites exceeded the number one. In her day job as a photojournalist, she prided herself on the ability to catch details others might miss – to see all the small pictures that make up the big picture and capture the relevant ones. Before leaving Glaucandre, Nell noticed one of those small pictures that was even more special than the third sun in the sky. A small child had fallen and hurt himself, and, whom she assumed to be his mother, came to help him. The child already seemed to calm down. Nell realized early on in traveling that she should look for the normal, everyday life activities. That’s what made all planets go round, and she knew she might need that reminder from time to time.

\----- 

It did seem odd, though, that she was looking for the ordinary in the extraordinary when she spent most of her days doing just the opposite for work. Nell had gotten into photography in junior high after a suggestion from a think thank of her teachers and parents. She had an excellent memory and was a quick learner; however, she found herself getting less than stellar grades in some of her classes. This, of course, merited parent meetings with teachers, counselors, etc. Why was someone so smart doing so poorly in certain classes?

They all realized that Nell had trouble leaving out details, condensing and filtering things. Her writing and reports suffered because she felt every little thing was important and wanted to make sure she explained it from every angle. Simply telling her to leave things out didn’t seem to help at all. How was she supposed to know what to omit? Finally, the think thank came up with photography. Nell would practice translating three dimensions to two. It did help, but Nell didn’t see it as translating three dimensions to two: she saw it as a compression from four. Every moment was its own picture, its own story.

Capturing and telling stories in pictures became a passion of Nell’s, easily leading into a successful career. She was covering a field that was being eyed for a strip mall when she saw the oddest group of people. They looked like…Teletubbies but all green and with scales and a little slime. At first, she assumed this was a meeting site for a local LARP group, but the closer she got, the more she realized that no group, around here at least, could get costumes that good.

 She started snapping pictures with her SLR as quickly as possible. At some point between snaps, a strange man in a leather jacket had approached her. 

“Hi. Did you get pictures of them?”

Nell was so proud and excited. “Oh, I did! Excellent pictures.”

“Can I see the previews?”

Nell, still feeling a great adrenaline rush of this sighting she stumbled upon, happily showed the strange man the back of her camera.

“So, you took these at…” He brought his wristwatch closer the camera. “4:10 P.M.” He pressed a button on his watch, and it made a rather odd sound. Before Nell knew it, the image on her camera screen began to jump and go crazy.

She nervously started reviewing everything. Gone. All gone. She tried to turn on the internal storage setting, but the whole camera began to go haywire.  

“What the hell? Thank goodness I have a backup.” She pulled a small handheld digital from her pocket. Maybe she’d be able to get this on the website. Before she knew it, the strange man had grabbed the camera out of her hands and began stomping on it. 

“What the hell are you doing?”

Still stomping, he just replied, “Records of the Zizzoids on Earth should not exist for another 200 years.”

He had explained it as if it should make perfect sense to her.

“The what? Who are you?”

“I’m G. Now, why don’t you run along, get frozen yogurt or something. This isn’t the best place to be right now. I need to see what they’re up to.”

“Wait, G? G what? Missing some letters?”

“Just G. No more letters needed.”

“So nothing comes after ‘G?’” Nell’s not sure what made this constant questioning of the strange man who just broke both of her cameras seem like a sensible thing to do; however, she continued to do it. Her inquisitive nature was useful for her job, but this might not be the best time to employ it.

“Oh, plenty of things-- and people-- come after G, but no letters. If you want some, though, you’re welcome to ‘Goodbye.’” He shot her a cocky smile and began to move quickly toward the group he had called the Zizzoids.

Nell was then not sure how she went from just questioning the strange man to charging after him and tackling him to the ground, but she somehow ended up there. Sure, she still had her cell phone camera for a worst-case scenario. However, it was the principle of the matter. (She may also have forgotten she had her cell phone among all the excitement.) 

“You broke my cameras!”

“I also broke your fall. You don’t seem upset about that!”

“I use those cameras for work!”

“I use my back for work! I think we’re even!”

As they were arguing, still on the ground, the Zizzoids looked over.

“Hello, Zizzoids! Welcome to Earth,” G began. “This is, uh, a standard Earth ritual performed for visitors. It is a sign of peace and--”

The Zizzoids pointed what appeared to be laser guns at G and Nell.

“Did I mention that I’m _not_ from Earth?”

The Zizzoids seemed to disregard G’s note and began to walk closer.

“You want to go get that frozen yogurt now?”

Nell thought frozen yogurt sounded pretty good, especially since she assumed they were both about to do a lot of running.  Sure enough, she and G were rushing to their feet and darting off.

 They found a tree to take a quick rest behind when Nell, ever curious, asked, “You’re not from Earth?”

G glanced over very quickly before looking back to see if he could spot the Zizzoids. Not looking at her, he replied, “No.”

“So you’re an alien?”

“’Alien’ is a relative term. If you’re going to use one, at least use something…better.”

“Like what?”

“Better.”

“I heard you. What’s a better term for you if not 'alien?'”

G turned to her, looking annoyed. “I told you. ‘Better.’ It’s both relative and accurate.”

He grinned at her before turning back around.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Yourself? Possibly. I don’t know you that well. Me? Definitely not.”

Nell gave him a very perturbed glare as he slowly turned his head back to her with an eyebrow raised. She relaxed the stare a little, wondering if he _literally_ had eyes or something in the back of his head. Though, she _had_ once been told her glares could be felt through walls.

“You want to help?”

Nell stood up straighter, projecting her most confident look and firmly nodded. This confident stance was a little harder to keep as she spotted the Zizzoids out the corner of her eye. 

G looked down and fiddled with his wristwatch.

“What is that?”

Without looking up, G dryly responded, “A flamingo. It’s a bright, big, pink flamingo.”

She then wondered if he was the kind of person – or whatever he was—that joked when things were very serious, or if he was like this all the time.

“Okay, they are about to be _just_ close enough for me to be able to temporarily neutralize their guns. Keyword: temporarily. When I say ‘Achoo,’ you run. They’ll be distracted by you but won’t be able to harm you. That should give me enough time.”

“Why ‘achoo?’” 

“Why the ‘why?’ Did your parents never tell you to not ask strange men questions?”

“I’m not exactly one for listening to authority figures if it makes life less interesting.”

G briefly paused before responding back, and Nell could spy a slight amused grin at the corner of his mouth. “Simply put, thanks to a translator, they’re likely able to understand what I’m saying, and--”

“—you can’t say ‘go’ or an obvious code word!” Nell excitedly jumped in.

The excitement was not contagious, and G seemed annoyed.

“Right. Just…run.”

“Which direction?”

“Away usually works.” 

It was her turn to look annoyed. “Fine. Just, tell me when. Or ‘achoo.’”

The Zizzoids were close. Extremely close. Nell was doing her best to stay out of sight while also taking in all their details. It was habit, and she couldn’t help it. She found herself simultaneously wanting G to say “achoo” but also to hold off just a few seconds longer. Her heart rate had reached a borderline-palpitation stage, and she loved it.

“ACHOO!”

Nell darted off as she had been asked to do. Behind her, she heard the same sound that had preceded the harm to her primary camera and assumed it was his watch. She just kept running, discouraging herself from looking back and slowing down despite wanting to so much.

She spotted a large blue box that seemed extremely out of place, prompting her to wonder if it was an art piece. Stranger pieces had been left around town. They had no idea who was doing it, and some people just seemed excited they had their own version of Banksy but with 3D objects. Other people hated the inconvenience, and referred to the artist as “Junksy.”

“Of course you’d run to the TARDIS." 

She was glad he couldn’t see her because she found herself with the biggest smile upon hearing his voice again.   She toned it down and turned around to face him. His face was a little dirtier than it had been, and he had patches of slime all over. Otherwise, he seemed fine.

“What happened?”

“They took a wrong turn. Roxzarlf does not like to ask for directions, and you can bet I had to hear about that. They were supposed to be at a zoo. Needless to say they were scared when the creatures were interacting with them and not behind any sort of cage. Thankfully, I got to them before they began, you know, obliteration.”

“Great timing on your part.” 

“Always is. Now, if you’ll move and let me leave, that’d be great.” G began to approach the box.

“This is yours?”

 “Sort of. The important thing is that you’re in my way.” He nodded his head to the right to tell her to move over. 

“Is this a spaceship?”

“Sort of. Now, again,” He nodded to the right once more.

“Can I see it? No, wait, can I go somewhere in it?”

“No. Goodbye.” He finally decided to try and move around her, but she wouldn’t let him pass and ran in front of the door.

“Please. Just one trip,” Nell pleaded. 

“It’s never just one.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Do you need a runner? I’m very good at running. You needed my help today. I bet you’ll need it again.” Nell was doubling, no, tripling down. Asking didn’t work, and she found that to be true in most cases. She had her assertive persuasion hat on, which is what she wore the best.

G just sighed and rolled his eyes. “Fine. One trip. Just a quick one. And I’ll have you back the very second you left.”

“How?”

“It may also travel through time.”

Nell was internally screaming with excitement but tried to play it cool. “Oh, neat.”

G raised a suspicious eyebrow.

“So you can have me back the second I actually left?” she asked.

“Well, give or take a few moments. Not enough time for anything to really happen.”

“Oh, but a lot does happen in a moment. In every moment.”

For the first time since they had met, G’s expression softened. He then looked her up and down. “What’s your name?”

“Nell Jones.”

“And where would you like to go, Nell Jones?”

“Frozen yogurt still sounds good. Is there space frozen yogurt?”

He opened the door, and they walked in. She stood in awe of the expansive, though underdecorated, interior.

“I have so many questions.”

G just grinned. “I thought you might.”


End file.
